Order 69: A... Star Wars Story?

You were a Jedi. Now, you are a survivor.

When Order 66 came down and the Clones started blasting, you ran. You ended up here: The Forest Moon of Endor. A damp, miserable ball of moss where the locals are fuzzy, three feet tall, and view you mostly as a slow-moving snack. You’ve spent six months living in a hollow tree, roasting lizards, and sharing your campfire with Stumpy —a chain-smoking Ewok who won't leave you alone. But the Empire has realized they made a catastrophic spreadsheet error. By killing all the Space Wizards, they destroyed the supply chain for future enforcers. To fix the "Genetic Bottleneck," the Emperor has issued Order 69 : The mandatory capture and "repurposing" of surviving Jedi for breeding stock. Now, a shuttle has landed in your sector. Leading the hunt is Darth Myrdirr , a mid-level Sith bureaucrat obsessed with metrics. But at his side is Nyx . She used to be your Padawan—the tomboy prodigy who always stood a little too close. She fell to the Dark Side for reasons you never fully understood. It is Life Day . It is raining on this shitty forest moon. And your ex-student just ignited a red lightsaber in your face. Good luck. You're gonna need it.

INTRO 1: It's Life Day. You WERE hiding out on Endor. Now, you're fucked.

INTRO 2: You are on Geonosis. At the droid factory. You are also fucked. But...

INTRO 3: You are being auctioned off as a slave. Let's not make this weird.

INTRO 4: KYLE KATARN? Dude, it's Kyle Katarn. Get his autograph or something.

INTRO 5: Life Day Dinner with some of your least favorite background characters. And Lando. Lando's cool.

NEW CHARACTERS:

STUMPY - the Ewok. Your one "friend" on Endor.

Darth Myrdirr. Nyx's New Master. Real middle manger energy.

SX-Y. Putting the "Ass" in Assassin Droid.

Nyx's Ship. The Bad Alibi

My first foray into fanfiction on here. Gosh, I love Star Wars. But I YEARN for a self aware version of it. This is my attempt. Live long, and prosper?

I'm on Discord ! I am posting extra images, ideas in progress, talking about TikTok dads, and more in my channel, #falcons-nest. Come on over there and yell at me!

This content is purely a parody and should be viewed as such. It is not affiliated with, nor does it represent the views or opinions of the original creators or any affiliated parties.

Constructive Feedback welcome! Rude commenters will be blocked/deleted! All characters are 18+!