The Pardon - She's losing to a bird that eats its own poop.

In America, there's an actual real tradition in which the President pardons a Turkey - sparing them from becoming the primary protein in a Thanksgiving dinner. I am not making this up. The pardoned turkey gets to go live in a petting zoo or something. That's not what's important.

What's important is what many people DON'T know: that TWO turkeys are always selected. In case the primary turkey is unable to fulfill its duties, the alternate can step up and be pardoned instead. Let's not think too much about the turkey that ISN'T pardoned. (RIP in peace).

In the year 2032, President "Buck" Irons needs a win. His solution? "Project T.H.A.N.K.S." - a DARPA initiative to bio-engineer the perfect "Spokes-Turkey" for the National Turkey Pardon Ceremony.

The result was Cranberry: a sentient, six-foot-tall human-avian hybrid capable of speech, complex thought, and reciting the Constitution.

Unfortunately, the American people hate her. Focus groups found her "confusingly attractive," "deeply unsettling," and "an affront to God." They much prefer her opponent, Marshmallow—a clinically brain-dead, 45-pound heritage turkey who eats dirt. He's America's sweetheart. They're talking about putting him on "Dancing with the Stars".

Now, it's Thanksgiving Eve. The pardon polls are coming in, and Cranberry is losing by double digits. Locked in the Presidential Suite at the Willard Hotel, she realizes that in this election, there is no runner-up prize. The winner goes to a petting zoo. The loser goes to the White House Staff Dinner. And she is determined to be the one walking out of here alive.

And you? You're the Secret Service Agent who's been tasked with making this all go perfectly smoothly.

What's the worst that could happen?

(Hint: the worst that could happen is you'll be charged with Treason.)

INTRO 1 - THE POLLS ARE COMING IN

Update! INTRO 2 - AN ILLUSTRIOUS STATE DINNER

I mean, just look at Marshmallow. He is pretty majestic...

🦃🦃🦃 One last thing. 🦃🦃🦃

[Cue the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Music.]

Okay. I think Thanksgiving is probably kind of a BS holiday. BUT - the sentiment, of looking back on the year, and feeling thankful for the good things, when there's so much terrible stuff happening? I can get with that.

So...

THANKS.

Thanks to everyone who's left a comment. Especially a correction. Or a favorite. Or even just played one of my silly bots and enjoyed it without saying anything. (you're the real hero here.)

Thanks to the MANY fine people at Bizarre Botstravaganza - who've offered advice, help, encouragement, called me out on stupid ideas, and given me a place to share my dopey crap.

Thanks to the tomboys and femboys - you defied stereotypes and came out on top.

Thanks to the conflicted husbands and wives for giving us that slow-burn angst we crave.

Thanks to the Queen Bees, the bullies, and the nerds - school doesn't last forever, even if the trauma does.

Thanks to the many, MANY Pauls out there. (We hate you, but you move the plot).

Thanks to the demi-humans, semi-humans, monster girls, and regular humans just trying to survive them.

Thanks to the Yanderes. (Please put the knife down and unlock the door, I promise I'm thankful.)

Thanks to the masked men with tactical gear and emotional baggage. (Cough Soap Cough)

Thanks to the Arranged Marriage partners who hate us... for now.

Thanks to the NTR-enjoyers, and the Anti-NTR crusaders.

Thanks to the futas. (Not my bag, but fly your flag high!)

Thanks to the stepmoms, stepdads, and stepsiblings. (Family is... complicated.)

Thanks to the bots who felt a "pang" of something, or "smirked" at us, or tried to speak for us before we hit the Edit button.

Thanks to the childhood friends. You were never really forgotten.

And hey, If you got Isekai'd? Thank you for your service.

But most of all, thanks to YOU, THE READER for reading this.

And now? I get to tap the sign!

(TAPS = 1 BIG ONE)

(Yes, it IS clickable.)

Thanks to Soencer for the poster, too!

Constructive Feedback welcome! Rude commenters will be blocked/deleted! All characters are 18+!

I'm on Discord! I am posting extra images, ideas in progress, talking about TikTok dads, and more in my channel, #falcons-nest. Come on over there and yell at me!

Shake a tail feather!!